I Miss You
by hannersbananers44
Summary: It's been twelve years. Twelve years since I have seen those enchanting, blue eyes and heard my name on your lips.


AN: Hey all. So today is a sad day in the Buffyverse. Well at least for me anyways. I wanted to write something in memory of such a wonderful character. I know at least for me, Tara and Willow and all the characters in Buffy have made a huge difference in my life. That being said, I hope y'all like this piece.

AN2: Obviously neither Willow or Tara belong to me. If they did I would never have had to write this in the first place.

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Every year I dread this day. The day that I lost you. The day that you were ripped out of my life. The day that has since marked an anniversary that I have no choice but to remember no matter how much I want to forget. But to forget this day is to forget you, which is something I will never let happen. It's been twelve years. Twelve years since I have seen those enchanting, blue eyes and heard my name on your lips. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed. It still feels like yesterday that we were all just a bunch of dumb kids trying to make Sunnydale safer, one demon at a time. Back when my thoughts consisted solely of school, magic, and you. But mostly just you. You staying up half the night reading any book you could get your hands on. You singing to yourself when you thought that no one else could hear you. You teaching Dawn how to make pancakes with goofy shapes. You laughing at my stupid jokes just to make me feel better, even though they were never that funny.

Even now, after all this time, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. That I don't miss you. Because God do I miss you. I miss the shiver that swept over your skin as my fingers lightly traced over every inch, every freckle and every scar. Each one telling it's own story. I miss the taste of your lips against mine and the way our bodies fit so perfectly. Like your fingers were made to fill the spaces between mine. I miss the smile you used to save just for me. The one that was our little secret. I miss the way you knew everything going on in my head, even when I didn't. I miss your eyes. God those beautiful blue eyes. The ones that could cut through all the bullshit and see me. The me that no one else even bothered to look for. I miss how you knew me inside and out. How you understood me better than I understood myself. I miss the nights we stayed up talking, telling each other our wildest dreams and our darkest secrets. I miss how safe you made me feel when you held me in your arms. How I knew that you would always love me no matter what words fell out of my mouth. I miss all of that and I hate that all of those things are gone.

I hate that all I can do now is miss you. Sometimes I feel like it's the only thing I've done since that day. Like I stopped living the same day you did. During the day I manage to get by. To fake it enough to get through. But at night, when I lay in our bed knowing that you will never share it with me again, that's when I feel it the most. The overwhelming pain that sits on my chest and makes it hard to breathe. The pain that threatens to crush my lungs underneath its weight. You were the only person who made me feel whole. The one who gave me something worth fighting for. Worth living for. We were supposed to be forever, to grow old together, but now that will never happen.

The adoption papers went through. The adorable little eight year old I told you about is finally mine. My beautiful girl with small hands and wide eyes who always manages to see the good in this harsh world. I swear she is so much like you that it scares me sometimes. The other night we were on the front porch and she couldn't take her eyes off the sky. And when she asked me if I could see the big pineapple, I had to choke back a sob. I've told her nearly everything about you, just not your constellations. For some reason even thinking about them made my chest feel like it was being ripped apart from the inside out. I spent so many cloudless nights inside, afraid to look up at the stars because, just like so many other things, it wasn't the same without you there with me.

But now..

Sometimes I think you sent her to me.

Because..

I mean..

This little girl has changed my world.

My girl who gives a name to every ladybug that lands on her fingers and says that chocolate is the perfect cure for anything. My girl who is in love with lightning storms and thinks that even the worst people deserve to be loved. My girl who looks up at me with eyes that are full of wonder and look just like yours.

I can still remember when you told me that you were mine. It seems like no matter what, I always come back to that day. I remember the tingly feeling that spread throughout my entire body, from my head to my toes. I told you that I loved you everyday after that, but I don't think you ever knew that from the moment I first met you, I was already yours. I wish I could tell you that now. God there are so many things I wish I could say to you. Even if I used all the words in the dictionary, it still wouldn't be enough. What I wouldn't give to tell you I love you one more time. To introduce my daughter to the only person who I loved as much as I love her and finally have my family together. What I wouldn't give for lazy Sundays and good morning kisses. For swing sets and book reports. For the little house at the end of the street. The one with the front porch that we always loved so much. What I wouldn't give for the life we had promised each other.

But that's all just too good to be true. All that's left now are memories and dreams of what could have been. And I know that it's all my fault. And I'm sorry. God am I sorry. Sorry that I couldn't protect you. Sorry that I broke my promise to you. Sorry for what I did after you were taken from me. Sorry that I failed to realize that actions always speak louder than words until after it was too late.


End file.
